We’ve all been through a time when the world seemed dull and hopeless after experiencing a loss – regardless of whether they’re family, friends or simply an individual of great significance to us. People experience loss in a multitude of ways beyond the passing of a loved one; we grieve at the end of a relationship, a permanent change in appearance, a passing life stage, or simply anything that we can never again regain or revisit. Due to the cyclic nature of life, we deal with grief constantly. Some of them are more gradual and less noticeable like ageing, while others may be more unexpected and sudden like the death of a loved one.
Grief affects us in ways beyond both physical and emotional pain. The five stages of grief modelled by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross concluded that the five major emotions experienced during grief were denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2014). This model was based on her work on patients with terminal illnesses, suggesting that these five stages were more applicable to people facing their own existential crises rather than those who were grieving. But in practice, we find that the five stages were also shown in grief clients despite the lack of linearity of graphical evidence. Most of the time these emotions are interwoven with many others, including guilt and fear. Beyond emotional responses, the process of grief also includes natural physical responses like sleeplessness, appetite loss, and a weakened immune system. But with proper coping mechanisms, these responses can be alleviated with time, allowing you to feel more prepared to make peace with it.
Grief is a personal and subjective process, and coping mechanisms vary amongst people, so there is no norm or timetable to abide by. In most cases, people can process and resume their day-to-day functions after a certain period of time. However, in more severe cases (i.e., the loss of a romantic partner, the loss of a parent, the loss of a grandparent) we find it overwhelming. Especially if such grief was complex or unresolved (for example through sudden life changes, traumatic events, or unresolved issues with the deceased). During Covid-19, these situations were more prevalent than ever before. One of my friends was unable to complete quarantine in time to see his beloved family member in the hospital for the last time. Another one was unable to enter Hong Kong due to Covid-19 restrictions and had missed the last call from his father before he passed in the ICU.
In sessions, we sometimes find people still struggling with loss even after many years due to the build-up of pain over time in addition to mental challenges stemming from grief, including difficulties in emotion regulation or disassociation. Such challenges can become debilitating as individuals often do not even realise that grief is still affecting them. Clinically, the prevalence of prolonged grief disorder (PGD) was found in approximately 9.8% of bereaved adults in the population. Of the adults suffering from PGD, the symptoms they experienced consisted of intense preoccupation with the deceased, persistent distress, detached or numbed emotion, inability to trust others, and avoidance of the reality of loss (Rosner et al, 2018).
However, there are many ways to make it easier to cope with grief. If you are currently grieving, there are a multitude of things that may help you navigate this time:
Know That You Are Not Alone
Because there was love, there will be pain. Whenever there is a start, there will be an end. As the pain of loss is natural and inevitable, no one can live without going through it. But rather than fearing it, try to remember that it is possible to have an easier relationship with the pain of the loss by allowing ourselves to feel it.
Talk About Your Feelings
If you feel that you are struggling with grief, resistance or avoidance will not lift the burden. Instead it may cause unnecessary frustration. Try to express and share your feelings though they are difficult. It will aid your grieving progress. Begin to share these thoughts with your support system, address them in a journal, and find your emotional outlet.
Share Your Memories
Share your memories to alleviate fear of forgetting them. Recalling and sharing the memories with those you surround yourself with can bring you a sense of peace amidst this painful time. The most memorable moment during the funeral of a loved one is the sharing of cherished memories with the people who share our pain. These moments may remind us of the fragility of life and how despite the fact that we are mortal, the love we have is eternal.
Find Ways to Remain Connected With Your Loved One
You can still connect with those who are no longer with us. I have seen many post-it memos placed along the surface of a tombstone by a wife or a grandchild, each inscribed with a message yearning for their beloved husband or grandfather’s embrace one last time. While others may play songs they used to listen to together, or plant a tree to symbolise their everlasting life. These things serve as a reminder to us that despite our loved one not being physically with us, they are here with us in spirit.
Prioritise Yourself
Everyone grieves at their own pace. To find the best way to heal you have to take care and prioritise yourself. If you feel like crying, cry it out. If you need space, ask for space. It is not selfish nor insensitive to take time for yourself to heal. Please do not be hard on yourself for not being ‘strong enough’ in such circumstances, instead, we learn how to be strong enough through grief. Only through pure transparency with ourselves and our emotions can we make peace with them.
Remember That Your Life is Valuable
There are a lot of changes that follow loss, sometimes the change is so drastic that you begin to feel lost in the world. Just as how precious the deceased are to you, your life is just as precious to your family, your friends, and most importantly, your own self. With this mindset you will learn to find purposefulness in continuing on with the future and finding back your sense of self that was lost amidst the grief.
Seek Help When You Need It
If you ever feel overwhelmed in the madness, reaching out to your support system is a wonderful method. You can also read self-help books pertaining to grief, seek help from your religion, your support group, or perhaps by paying a visit to a professional psychotherapist as a source of help for navigating past these mental challenges.
If you are accompanying someone who is grieving, here are some helpful ways you can engage:
Keep Them Company
Yes, you just need to stay with them. Remember that they do not need advice or positive talk at the moment, they simply need your presence. Having someone alongside you who is listening with all of their heart is one of the best forms of support. Even if you cannot be there in person, texting or calling them is another viable way of showing support. The feeling of being cared for will aid them through this difficult time.
Distractions
Whether it is house renovation, work, or travel planning, it can help people temporarily disconnect from reality and focus on the world around them. Exercise is always a good idea to help them feel uplifted naturally, so asking them for a walk if they are willing to do so is another effective form of distraction. If they do not want to engage in anything physically, providing them with a list of TV show recommendations may help occupy part of their mind.
Be of Help
There are a multitude of things you can do to help provide an extent of aid towards a grieving individual. For instance, you can help them with their chores, take their kids to the park, order food for them, etc., Simply by doing this you are offering substantial help and providing time and energy for the individual to deal with the chaos surrounding their loss.
Respect, Empathy, and Understanding
There are times when grieving individuals may have some irrational thoughts like bargaining with fate or impulsive, emotion-centred reactions such as blaming the hospital or the doctor. Try to give them space to sort things out and accommodate them with understanding. Everyone heals at their own pace, so your respect is an important buffer for them to feel supported and loved to learn to make peace with their bereavement.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of the loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” – On Grief & Grieving, Kübler-Ross and Kessler
It is a heartbreaking part of the journey. But aren’t we blessed to ever have someone or something that was so hard to let go of in this life?
References
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, David. (2014). On grief & grieving : finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss (Scribner trade pbk. ed.). Scribner.
Rosner, Rita, Rimane, Eline, Vogel, Anna, Rau, Jörn, & Hagl, Maria. (2018). Treating prolonged grief disorder with prolonged grief-specific cognitive behavioral therapy: Study protocol for a randomized controlled trial. Trials, 19(1), 241–241. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13063-018-2618-3
Megan Chang
MC
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
I arrived at my gym for an appointment with my trainer. “Are you going to Lan Kwai Fong tonight?” he asked enthusiastically. As a busy (and middle-aged) professional who’d been up since 5 am and still had several work obligations after this gym session, I figured the probability of hanging out in LKF on a school night was pretty low. “Why on Earth would I do that?” I asked. He responded, “Everyone’s going there at midnight to burn all their masks! Can’t wait to see the bonfire!”. While the thought of such a sight was pretty attractive after 945 days of mask-wearing, I immediately thought of the toxic fumes that would soon travel through central Hong Kong – fumes we could avoid breathing through a mask. The irony was not lost on me.
I do not know if the LKF mask-burning event occurred, but the sentiment resonated. It also prompted me to wonder how the people of Hong Kong would feel as they prepared for this change. No doubt everyone considered what it meant for them and their loved ones. And as I’ve been listening to friends and colleagues over the last 48 hours, I’ve come to the view that regardless of whether removing the mask mandate is “good” or ‘bad”, it allows for personal choice, which empowers us all.
Let’s consider kids, for example. As of Wednesday, millions of five-to-eight-year-olds will (strangely, after showing a negative RAT test to attend school in the first place) be seeing their teachers’ full faces, perhaps for the first time. Children three years old or under do not know the world without masks. It will be interesting to see how they interact with their friends now that they can see their whole faces. It’s difficult enough as an adult to recognize people when they see them without a mask for the first time. How we look at people and recognize their faces is different with masks on than with masks off. Also, these little children have learned to read people’s emotions just by looking at their eyes. What will it be like for them to see a full facial expression? How will they interpret what they see? Ongoing research at places like the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience (IoPPN) at King’s College London links facial expression to healthy social interactions. Within a social context decoding facial expressions is an essential foundation for stable emotional relationships. It is a skill that helps to reduce anxiety.
And just as kids are not used to seeing their teachers’ full faces, the same is valid for teachers with their students. One teacher shared a story of playing “guess the child” with her peers: When the kids took their masks off to eat, the teachers tried to figure out who they were. It wasn’t easy to recognize them, as the teachers had a mental image of the children’s faces, which was inaccurate. They almost had to re-learn who Nancy, Tom, Millie, or James were, as they were unrecognizable without the masks. Imagine the child who bounds up to her teacher with a big “HELLO!” and the teacher isn’t sure who she is. This experience could result in children losing identity or sense of place, as the teachers they’ve become comfortable with don’t seem to know who they are anymore. How disempowering would that appear to the child that a person who is essential in their lives fails to recognize them?
And what about vulnerable people or those in hospital environments? Most medical clinics allow their staff to choose whether or not to wear masks at work. Patients with respiratory illness symptoms are still requested to wear masks.
The mask mandate may have been removed, but does this mean we should no longer consider the needs of others? A diverse city of 7.6 million people like ours does not thrive without the goodwill and tolerance of its people. It’s worth remembering that Hong Kong people commonly wore masks when sick – well before any mandate and well before the rest of the world – out of consideration for others. Perhaps there’s no need to burn all our masks, and we might instead choose to keep a few around for the greater good. As mentioned earlier, it is a choice, and being able to make choices is positive for our mental health.
Today, I also heard another example of two brothers – the younger one thrilled to see his friends’ faces, and the older one worried about his facial acne. Female colleagues are talking about needing to spend money on makeup now that their whole faces are “on display” again. Jokes about teeth whitening products selling like hotcakes and dentists being completely booked out. For the last three years, the beauty ‘playing field’ was somewhat even, and the eyes were all that mattered. Now our whole faces are back in the limelight. Face masks eased the anxiety of people with body dysmorphia or those anxious about their appearance. This anxiety will have to be dealt with by many people.
And another friend told me she was thrilled to see the mandate go for the simple reason that she’d be able toread lips again – a helpful skill when seeking assistance at various customer service counters around the city. It was hard enough before trying to understand what the customer service agent was saying behind the plate glass window with tiny holes and poor quality intercom – add mask-wearing into the equation. This friend has said, “sorry, can you please repeat that?” about 17,000 times over the last three years. These are six words that she’s delighted to remove from her vocabulary.
There are so many stories about the effect of mask-wearing, but that is enough for now. Hong Kong is finally free from HAVING to wear a mask, now is the time for people to appreciate they have choices, and it is up to them what they choose to do.
Perhaps the take-home point is that we in HK must celebrate our adaptability and resilience – we kept masks on for 945 days, the most extended period of mask-wearing in the world. Now they are no longer mandatory, and we can decide for ourselves. I can choose to wear it or not, just as I can decide to go to Lan Kwai Fong on a Tuesday at midnight or go home to bed. Free will and choice are empowering, and as you read this, make a choice for yourself and be empowered in the process of having that choice.
By the Team at AMindset
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
Kelly is a corporate executive by background, with 20+ years of working across multiple industries and geographies. She is also a qualified executive coach. She loves working with clients who are motivated to change and ready to look inward. Often, people come to counselling with a sense of disconnect or a gut feeling that something isn’t working or isn’t where it should be. Kelly’s own journey in therapy began with this ‘dissonance’, and she loves working with her clients to discover (or re-discover) who they really are, and what they really want. The answers to our challenges in life nearly always lie within us, and Kelly works with her clients to build the confidence and self-belief they need to make a productive change and live a life that is true to themselves. Inevitably, meaningful change results in uncertainty and turbulence, and Kelly’s focus on building resilience and adaptability helps her clients to navigate this change with greater clarity, calm, and purpose.
Kelly’s clients describe her as warm, open, supportive, and unconventional. Sessions are often a mix of laughter and tears as clients work to understand and challenge themselves in a safe, caring environment. Kelly’s approach is person-centred, drawing on a range of therapeutic modalities including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Motivational Interviewing (MI); she is also a student of the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy. She has a wide range of interests including women’s identity and confidence, life transitions, trauma, healthy ageing, couples & relationships, and men’s mental health. She also enjoys working in underserved communities, particularly with adults with special needs.
In her free time, Kelly can be found on the water or on one of Hong Kong’s beautiful trails. She was born and raised in the US and is also an Australian citizen and Hong Kong Permanent Resident.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here.
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
HK$1,150 per 50 min session – (discounted packages of 4 are available via the link below)
I am Psychotherapist working most often with adults and adolescents who wish to separate from anxiety (specific and general) and addictions (substance and process), as well those recovering from the effects of trauma. I also routinely work with relationship issues, problematic patterns of thinking and behaviour, body image and issues relating to sex, shame and guilt.
I believe we have innate abilities to grow emotionally and self-heal, but our environments (our culture, family of origin, and societal narratives) recruit us into believing this is not the case: that we are not good enough, cannot cope or are in some other way ‘broken’. I see it as my role as a psychotherapist to create a safe and supportive environment where you can explore these issues, build awareness around them and make choices about how to move froward and live your life differently.
I practice from a Humanistic position, that you are the expert in your life and by exploring who you are outside of the problem you are facing, we can identify the strengths, knowledge and values needed to work with the discomfort or pain you have been experiencing. I work integratively by drawing from a wide variety of methods to create a treatment in collaboration with you, which is specific to you. My trauma work is informed by Narrative Therapy together with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Compassion-Focused Therapy, Acceptance and Mindfulness.
I also facilitate counselling groups for men wishing to separate from unhelpful sexual behaviours and to live in more fulfilling and loving relationships. To find out about joining one, please schedule a free 20-minute assessment by emailing office@amindset.hk.
I am committed to working with my clients to the highest levels of practice standards with regard to ethics, technical expertise and client care. I practice within the strict professional guidelines of the Hong Kong Society of Counselling & Psychology and constantly review and improve my practice by undertaking ongoing training to ensure the most up-to-date research informs my work.
Originally from Scotland, I have enjoyed a varied career, holding leadership positions in global professional service firms, an MBA (UK) and professional finance qualifications (UK and Australia). All of which bring depth and breadth to my psychotherapy work.
Psychotherapy Training
Master of Counselling, Monash University, Australia
One Year Training in Narrative Therapy, Dulwich Centre, Australia
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Anxiety, The Beck Institute, USA
Trauma-Informed Practice, Trauma-Focused CBT, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, Dialectal Behavioural Therapy, The Association for Psychological Therapies, UK
Re-membering and Reclaiming Lives from Abuse, Dulwich Centre, Australia
Motivational Interviewing, The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, UK
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, The Institute for Solutions-Focused Therapy, UK
Gottman Method Couples Therapy, The Gottman Institute, USA
Chris offers psychotherapy and counselling in English.
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
HK$1,150 per 50 min session – (discounted packages of 4 are available via the link below)
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here.
Elise is a counsellor who is committed to helping those going through transitions in their lives – voluntary or involuntary – and including LGBTQ+ communities. She helps them learn how to accept and embrace change, look forward and build or discover new opportunities. Elise believes in working with you and in taking a collaborative approach to help you alleviate your troubles and to reach your goals. The therapeutic process is built on trust, unconditional positive regard and compassionate, and open-minded listening from the therapist. It is the therapeutic relationship that will be of most benefit to you and therefore therapy will be geared towards your wants, needs and preferences.
Elise was born and raised in Germany and Hong Kong and has a multicultural, tri-lingual background in the service industry and in teaching. She offers counselling sessions in English, German and Dutch.
Qualifications: BSc (Hons) Psych Coun (Open), Psychology with Counselling, First Master of Counselling, Monash University
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here.
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
HK$1,150 per 50 min session – (discounted packages of 4 are available via the link below)
NOTE: Elsie’s present clients, on HK$850 per session, may be able to continue at this cost for a period of time – please contact Elise for further information
Master of Counselling Student, Monash University HK.
Fee: HK$450 per 50 mins Low-Cost Counselling (LCC) HK$250 per 50 mins – Online.
AVAILABLE ONLY FOR UK OR EU RESIDENTS
Languages: English.
I have lived and worked in Hong Kong for over 18 years and am currently based in the UK.
An ex-lawyer, I have worked in executive search for over 20 years, predominately within the legal and financial sectors. I understand the challenges of working within a high-stress, corporate environment and believe in mentoring and helping people build their careers alongside exploring productivity, empowerment, and confidence in the workplace.
Studying and working as a counsellor means I can now work with clients in a more holistic way. I want to help my clients achieve their full potential, by understanding their goals in life and assisting them in finding the right tools and techniques to reach those goals. Life has a habit of throwing all sorts of unexpected challenges our way. I am particularly interested in working with clients navigating significant life changes – often, we are not equipped to tackle the obstacles and challenges of everyday life – big or small.
I work with clients facing depression, anxiety and transitional issues arising from life changes – divorce, redundancy, ageing, menopause, relocation, parenthood, death and grief – and understand the impact of past trauma. I work with clients to build self-awareness, improve self-esteem and self-worth, and take an active problem-solving approach. I believe in building a therapeutic relationship through empathy and trust. I will tailor solutions and therapy to fit individual clients using a person-centred approach, incorporating CBT, problem-solving, positive psychology and mindfulness.
Mostly, I’ll be there to listen and support you through your life journey.
I am a student member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). I am a mother of two 13-year-olds and an energetic cocker spaniel, and am often hiking the coastal paths of Devon where I live. I am French-Australian with a love of beaches, travelling, reading and learning.
I am available for Low-Cost Counselling (LCC) sessions in English.
Recent training: I have undertaken Positive Psychology, Mindfulness and Trauma courses.
Laurence is available in the UK for ONLINE Low-Cost Counselling (LCC) sessions in English.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here.
Testimonials:
‘I have had quite a few counselling sessions over the years, and what stood out about Laurence was her gentle way of pushing me forward and looking to think about the future, to set realistic goals and, importantly, to get me to think of some of the steps of how to get there. I really felt the sessions moved me forward instead of just dwelling on the past. I always felt upbeat after our sessions, even more emotionally challenging ones, as I felt I had a workable plan to achieve a more positive future. When I couldn’t think of answers, Laurence managed to get me to work out the answers for myself with her gentle but persistent style. I really enjoyed our sessions as I found Laurence very easy to open up to.’
BCP UK Client – Oct 22
Working with Laurence had a significant impact on my life over a short period of time. I had engaged in other types of psychotherapy before, but Laurence’s proactive, solution-focused approaches resulted in big shifts for me. As a mid-life woman of colour with all the usual challenges of parenting, work, caring for elderly parents, menopause, making sense of developmental trauma, and making space for my husband, having Laurence alongside me helped me to make so much sense of my experience. I felt seen, understood and celebrated. I have a sense of empowerment moving forward.
Fee: HK$450 per 50mins – Low Cost Counselling (LCC) HK$250 per 50 mins – Online Only
AVAILABLE ONLY FOR UK OR EU RESIDENTS
Languages: English.
Lara is a mother of two teenagers and has lived and worked in HK for over 20 years, having previously lived and worked in Africa and the UK. As a counsellor, she is passionate about the positive impact therapy can have on the quality of life and is committed to helping clients overcome challenges in a supportive, safe and non-judgemental manner. Her multicultural background enhances her approach to therapy, empowering clients to gain new perspectives and a deeper understanding of their experiences. Working within the private and NGO sectors, Lara has helped individuals from all walks of life and cultures address and manage stress, anxiety, depression, grief, work-life balance and relationship issues. She has helped individuals understand the impact of adverse childhood experiences and worked with clients facing life transitions as well as those who have wanted to deepen their self-awareness.
Adopting a multi-model approach, Lara draws from evidence-based techniques that include Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as well as Solution-Focused therapy. Each client is considered individually and counselling tools are suggested that best resonate with them. All sessions are conducted in a professional and collaborative manner at the client’s own pace, suitable for their particular situation and needs. Lara is a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), Australian Counselling Association (ACA), the Hong Kong Society of Counselling & Psychology (HKSCP) and the Psychotherapy Society of Hong Kong (PSHK) and adheres to their ethical codes of conduct.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here.
Lara is based in the UK and is available for:
Counselling and LCC counselling (LCC details Here)
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new, full-price clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
I have met with a couple of other counsellors in the past, but Lara proved to be the most effective counsellor I have ever met. She was able to deal with my problem in a surprisingly short period of time and provided me with a safe and non-judgmental space which helped me to confidently express the issues I was facing for the first time. We looked at how my past history had shaped my views and values. This understanding allowed me to engage better in all my key relationships. Lara was extremely professional but very warm and friendly. I hope many people will be helped just like me.
LB, Hong Kong, 46 yrs.
I am very grateful to Lara for the counselling services she provided when I was suffering with bereavement after the sudden loss of my mother during an incredibly stressful time. She helped me to navigate through the different factors which were preventing me from coping with my loss and helped me to understand what I needed to do in order to move forward. She very quickly understood the type of person I am and what would and wouldn’t work for me. She helped me to find coping strategies and get me to a point whereby I could manage my grief and not let it overwhelm me. She has a very calm and empathetic nature with a pragmatic approach and relatable sense of humour, all of which were critical for me to be comfortable with her. I recommend Lara highly.
As a long-time leader of teams, I often get asked for my thoughts on how to “do” leadership. Just recently, I was talking with a bright, early-career entrepreneur who said, “My business is growing like crazy and I’m starting to hire people. I don’t know how to manage and lead others. What training course would you recommend? Or are there some books I can read?”
These questions are more common than I’d like them to be. While they are well-intended, and it’s great that people who seek leadership responsibility actually want to do it well, the assumption (or perhaps hope) beneath the question is that if you read the right books, and/or take the right training course, you will be able to lead.
The question I asked this poor soul in return was, “regardless of the training course or the books – how will you know when you can manage and lead other people? Does reading the books and attending the training mean you’re done? Tick, you’re a good leader? Cross it off the list of things to do?”
The truth (like it or not) is that managing and leading others is not a destination. It’s a practice. Kind of like yoga. In fact, yoga can teach us a lot about leadership. No matter how good you get at yoga, there’s always something more to learn. There’s more to practice. You never FINISH working at yoga. And if you’ve practiced yoga, you’ll know that some days are great – you nail the pose, you go deeper, you balance longer. Some days are terrible. You fall over, or you can’t hold even the most basic version of the pose you held for 10 minutes yesterday. It requires focus, getting back into the pose even when you’ve fallen out of it six times already, and tuning in to your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps most importantly, it requires a willingness to push beyond your comfort zone – taking your pose just a bit further, without a guarantee that you’ll nail it the first time (knowing, in fact, that you’ll probably fall over).
The same is true for leadership. This is because leadership exists within a human system. One set of leadership behaviours which works perfectly well with one group of people may completely backfire with another. Or a style of leadership that works when times are good, fails when times are difficult. Some days are great – the team is humming, people are happy. Others stink – business is underperforming, there’s tension between people, tough decisions to be made, and politics to manage. Pesky human beings – they are so unpredictable.
So what is this achievement-oriented entrepreneur to do, as the company grows and leadership becomes a necessity and requirement? While I do not endorse the concept of a “checklist for good leadership”, in the spirit of helping these shooting stars along the journey, I offer the below as a non-linear process.
First: understand the baseline. Look for clues. Do you lose people from recruitment processes after they interview with you? What’s your voluntary employee turnover rate? If you use an employee engagement survey, what does the data tell you about how people feel about their manager and/or senior leaders? You should also look inward. Who’s been your favorite or most respected leader over the course of your career and why? Who do you emulate as a leader?
On the note of PRACTICE…this is a critical third (and ongoing) step. Just as you don’t become a star tennis player on day 1, and you can’t learn to play the piano with one lesson, leadership is a practice. Remember that feeling of trying something new when you were a kid? It’s frustrating and uncomfortable. Get used to this feeling – in fact, seek it out in your workplace. It means you’re learning – and learning is supposed to feel uncomfortable. Try new behaviours. Refine. Try again. Try again.
Fourth – ask your people how you’re doing. And “your people” should include those below you, above you, and beside you. If you’re heading a start-up, maybe there’s no one technically above you. Whose opinion do you respect and admire? Do you have a board of directors? An investor or business partner? Importantly, consider this guide for soliciting feedback (and ignore it at your peril).
Fifth (and arguably the most important element to include in your practice): Reflect on the feedback and use it as a source of data to improve your practice. Extending the “learning to play the piano” analogy, consider how listening to a recording of your practice can shine a light on areas where you need more practice. You listen, you think about what you want to work on, and then you work on it. The same is true in leadership. What can you learn from the feedback you received? What should you try differently?
What can you learn? What can you try?
Sixth (or maybe first!) – ask for help. What professional athlete does not have a coach? What opera singer doesn’t study under another professional?It can be very lonely at the top. Cultivate your network, join leadership forums or communities, and consider a psychotherapist, counsellor or performance coach to help you reflect, learn, and grow. As someone who has been practicing leadership for decades and advising others who are doing the same, I firmly subscribe to the view that every leader needs a therapist and coach.
Finally – Repeat steps 1-6. Often, and for as long as you hold a leadership role. In doing so, you will exceed your own expectations and you will make a difference to your team, your company and potentially by extension, the world around you.
After all – isn’t this why you became an entrepreneur in the first place?
Kelly Hutchison
Kelly Hutchison is a psychotherapist, counsellor and executive coach with aMindset, based in Hong Kong.
To book an individual consultation or discuss mental health & wellness initiatives for your organization, contact Kelly on +852 9179 4454 or kellyamindset@gmail.com
Cecilia Yu is originally from Taiwan and moved to Hong Kong in 2003. She has worked in multinational corporations, tech start-ups, and educational institutions throughout her career. Familiar with the challenges of working in demanding work environments and managing complex teams, Cecilia also has expertise in positive parenting and helping families with special needs children.
Cecilia is passionate about providing psychological support for diverse individuals and groups to rebalance their lives towards healthy changes. She has trained to help clients with diverse needs and especially those with traumatic experiences to learn to process their overwhelming emotions. Cecilia offers a safe and confidential space to understand the client’s struggles and together they will explore thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, as well as learn how to handle hardships while moving towards a richer and more meaningful life.
Each session provides emotional support but also has a mission to set treatment plans collaboratively as a team. Cecilia provides counselling therapy methods best suited to the client’s needs. These methods include Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Emotional Focus Therapy (EFT), Internal Family System Therapy (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), and the Gottman Method for Couple’s Therapy.
Cecilia offers Counselling and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) services in English and Mandarin
HK$1,150 per 50 min session – (Note that 4 x sessions are the minimum booking for the EMDR therapy – discounted packages of 4 are available via the link below)
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
Nicolson Siu is a neuropsychologist and lecturer at The Division of Social Science of The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology. He has been working with children with special education needs for more than ten years.
Nicolson obtained his PhD. Degree in Neuropsychology at The Chinese University of Hong Kong. He is committed to exploring the relationship between the brain and behaviour with neurophysiological methods like electroencephalography (EEG) and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). He conducted intervention studies to support children with special educational needs (SEN). His dissertation focused on training the executive functions of children with an autism spectrum disorder. He received government funding to develop an empathy and compassion parenting curriculum in 2019. He also has consultancy experience for local NGOs on projects related to neurophysiological assessment and training for children with SEN.
Nicolson is also a Registered Horticultural Therapist (RHT). He gained good practical experience through engaging in different horticultural therapy programs. The role of RHT exposed Nicolson to different types of clients, from children, adolescents, parents, working adults, and to elderly.
Being a Master of Counselling student at Monash University, where Nicolson learns professional clinical techniques, he has gradually established himself as an empathetic and non-judgemental counsellor. Combining the knowledge, practical experience, and clinical techniques, Nicolson should be able to deliver a safe, respectful, and supportive environment to clients, explore their issues together and address them appropriately.
Nicolson offerscounselling and neuropsychological assessment services in Cantonese, Mandarin, and English.
A free 20-minute intro consultation is available for new clients. Please email office@amindset.hk for more details.
HK$1,150 per 50 min session – (discounted packages of 4 are available via the link below)
QUALIFICATIONS
Bachelor of Social Science in Psychology, CUHK (2011)
PhD in Neuropsychology, CUHK (2015)
Graduate Member, The Hong Kong Psychological Society
Vice President and Research Committee Co-Chair, Hong Kong Association of Therapeutic Horticulture (HKATH)
Registered Horticultural Therapist (HKATH)
Master of Education in Counselling, Monash University (In Progress)
Find out more here. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here
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The mask mandate may have been removed, but does this mean we should no longer consider the needs of others? A diverse city of 7.6 million people like ours does not thrive without the goodwill and tolerance of its people. It’s worth remembering that Hong Kong people commonly wore masks when sick – well before any mandate and well before the rest of the world – out of consideration for others. Perhaps there’s no need to burn all our masks, and we might instead choose to keep a few around for the greater good. As mentioned earlier, it is a choice, and being able to make choices is positive for our mental health.
