I arrived at my gym for an appointment with my trainer. “Are you going to Lan Kwai Fong tonight?” he asked enthusiastically. As a busy (and middle-aged) professional who’d been up since 5 am and still had several work obligations after this gym session, I figured the probability of hanging out in LKF on a school night was pretty low. “Why on Earth would I do that?” I asked. He responded, “Everyone’s going there at midnight to burn all their masks! Can’t wait to see the bonfire!”. While the thought of such a sight was pretty attractive after 945 days of mask-wearing, I immediately thought of the toxic fumes that would soon travel through central Hong Kong – fumes we could avoid breathing through a mask. The irony was not lost on me.
I do not know if the LKF mask-burning event occurred, but the sentiment resonated. It also prompted me to wonder how the people of Hong Kong would feel as they prepared for this change. No doubt everyone considered what it meant for them and their loved ones. And as I’ve been listening to friends and colleagues over the last 48 hours, I’ve come to the view that regardless of whether removing the mask mandate is “good” or ‘bad”, it allows for personal choice, which empowers us all.
Let’s consider kids, for example. As of Wednesday, millions of five-to-eight-year-olds will (strangely, after showing a negative RAT test to attend school in the first place) be seeing their teachers’ full faces, perhaps for the first time. Children three years old or under do not know the world without masks. It will be interesting to see how they interact with their friends now that they can see their whole faces. It’s difficult enough as an adult to recognize people when they see them without a mask for the first time. How we look at people and recognize their faces is different with masks on than with masks off. Also, these little children have learned to read people’s emotions just by looking at their eyes. What will it be like for them to see a full facial expression? How will they interpret what they see? Ongoing research at places like the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience (IoPPN) at King’s College London links facial expression to healthy social interactions. Within a social context decoding facial expressions is an essential foundation for stable emotional relationships. It is a skill that helps to reduce anxiety.
And just as kids are not used to seeing their teachers’ full faces, the same is valid for teachers with their students. One teacher shared a story of playing “guess the child” with her peers: When the kids took their masks off to eat, the teachers tried to figure out who they were. It wasn’t easy to recognize them, as the teachers had a mental image of the children’s faces, which was inaccurate. They almost had to re-learn who Nancy, Tom, Millie, or James were, as they were unrecognizable without the masks. Imagine the child who bounds up to her teacher with a big “HELLO!” and the teacher isn’t sure who she is. This experience could result in children losing identity or sense of place, as the teachers they’ve become comfortable with don’t seem to know who they are anymore. How disempowering would that appear to the child that a person who is essential in their lives fails to recognize them?
And what about vulnerable people or those in hospital environments? Most medical clinics allow their staff to choose whether or not to wear masks at work. Patients with respiratory illness symptoms are still requested to wear masks.
The mask mandate may have been removed, but does this mean we should no longer consider the needs of others? A diverse city of 7.6 million people like ours does not thrive without the goodwill and tolerance of its people. It’s worth remembering that Hong Kong people commonly wore masks when sick – well before any mandate and well before the rest of the world – out of consideration for others. Perhaps there’s no need to burn all our masks, and we might instead choose to keep a few around for the greater good. As mentioned earlier, it is a choice, and being able to make choices is positive for our mental health.
Today, I also heard another example of two brothers – the younger one thrilled to see his friends’ faces, and the older one worried about his facial acne. Female colleagues are talking about needing to spend money on makeup now that their whole faces are “on display” again. Jokes about teeth whitening products selling like hotcakes and dentists being completely booked out. For the last three years, the beauty ‘playing field’ was somewhat even, and the eyes were all that mattered. Now our whole faces are back in the limelight. Face masks eased the anxiety of people with body dysmorphia or those anxious about their appearance. This anxiety will have to be dealt with by many people.
And another friend told me she was thrilled to see the mandate go for the simple reason that she’d be able toread lips again – a helpful skill when seeking assistance at various customer service counters around the city. It was hard enough before trying to understand what the customer service agent was saying behind the plate glass window with tiny holes and poor quality intercom – add mask-wearing into the equation. This friend has said, “sorry, can you please repeat that?” about 17,000 times over the last three years. These are six words that she’s delighted to remove from her vocabulary.
There are so many stories about the effect of mask-wearing, but that is enough for now. Hong Kong is finally free from HAVING to wear a mask, now is the time for people to appreciate they have choices, and it is up to them what they choose to do.
Perhaps the take-home point is that we in HK must celebrate our adaptability and resilience – we kept masks on for 945 days, the most extended period of mask-wearing in the world. Now they are no longer mandatory, and we can decide for ourselves. I can choose to wear it or not, just as I can decide to go to Lan Kwai Fong on a Tuesday at midnight or go home to bed. Free will and choice are empowering, and as you read this, make a choice for yourself and be empowered in the process of having that choice.
By the Team at AMindset
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
Have you ever wondered why habits are so hard to break, especially the bad ones?
The habits that human beings follow might have a positive impact on behaviours, but they can have a negative effect on social relations. Human habits are complex, and the significance of habits has been demonstrated in various behaviours across all domains; for example, our work or exercise routine, our morning walks, our route to work, our eating habits, our favourite restaurants and how we interact in our environment. Changing habits to retrain the brain can be challenging since our behaviours are not only hardwired in our physical activity. The repetition of these behaviours has a significant effect on our brains.
The Brain
As neuroscience is discovering, the brain’s ability is greater than the best computer invented by man. The brain is a complex piece of machinery, and the approximately eighty-six billion neurons in the brain are eager little individuals that create their little habits based on our repeated thoughts, feelings, and actions. The brain operates using chemicals, and different behaviours result in the production of the various chemicals that are released into the brain. The feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine is well known, but dopamine is also a neurotransmitter involved in reinforcement and plays a part in developing and reinforcing our habits. How we feel is a result of the chemicals in our brain. Antidepressants work through balancing neurotransmitters, the chemicals that affect mood and emotions. An individual with depression has a lower level of the serotonin neurotransmitter. Serotonin is a multifaceted and complex neurotransmitter that is known to affect mood and cognition. Our actions and environment can impact our mood because of these brain chemicals and the neurons and their synaptic connections. The synapses connect the eighty-six billion neurons in the brain throughout the nervous system to other neurons in the body.
Repeat Behaviours
The more we repeat a behaviour, the more synaptic connections we associate with that behaviour, and this affects specific parts of the brain. The repeated behaviour results in stronger synaptic connections, which gives the neurons enough ‘juice’ to create an action potential. The release of an action potential plays a crucial role in carrying messages from the brain to other parts of the body. The voltage of the action potential allows the neuron to fire from the neurons’ pre-synapse membrane to the post-synapse, with neurotransmitters being released in the space between. The neural networks become more substantial when we repeat a behaviour or thought. The behaviour or thinking develops into a habit, providing a strong stimulus to cause the cells to work together, becoming bigger and better. This explains why with repetition, new information eventually becomes memorised and long-lasting, resulting in the brain having more synaptic connections in the relevant area.
The Synapse
Four Major Brain Lobes
And just to refresh your memory, the four major lobes of the brain are:
The Frontal Lobe – includes the neocortex and controls voluntary movement, expressive language, and higher-level executive functions. Executive functions are cognitive skills that include planning, organising, self-monitoring and managing responses to achieve a goal.
The Parietal Lobe – is essential for sensory perception, including taste, hearing, sight, touch, and smell. It is an area that interprets input from other regions of the body.
The Occipital Lobe is for visual processing, including visuospatial processing, distance, and depth perception, determining colours, object and face recognition and memory formation.
The Temporal Lobe processes auditory information, memory encoding (learning from previous experiences) and the processing of affect/emotions, language, and some visual perceptions.
Brain Associations – Shape our Thinking
The input of sensory impressions affects many areas of the brain, and their associations affect the neural network of our experiences. And it is not as if one experience is isolated; when we think, we often associate multiple inputs, which can affect our mood. For example, a mother may enjoy the scenery and fantastic weather walking in a park. She feels good, but then she hears a mother shouting at a child, and this causes her to remember the time she was depressed after a baby was born and how she used to yell at the older sibling. The child in the park starts crying and holding onto his mother’s skirt, apologising and looking distressed. The mother remembers a blue dress she wore one day and how her son made it dirty by holding onto it whilst sobbing and saying sorry for upsetting her. She can see her 2-year-old son’s large blue eyes staring at her with tears streaming down his cheeks. She gets angry with herself for being such a horrible mother, and she regrets her son’s upbringing and knows it is why she is estranged from him now. She feels miserable and, looking at the present scene of the mother and child, she believes she is the worst mother in the world and deserves to be lonely and alone; this is her life now.
How did this mother go from having a lovely walk in the park to feeling sad, unloved, alone and wanting to cry?
Neural Networks
We can thank our habits, episodic memory, and brain associations for this change in mood. The brain responds to input by activating a neural net to the sensory organs and triggers thoughts associated with that memory. The mind is activated and reconnects to that memory. Any event or people related to that neural net of the experience will trigger the part of the brain where those old circuits are lurking, waiting to be woken up by our episodic memory. As we remember, our consciousness will activate the cluster of neurons associated with the memory. The brain’s neurons will fire in a particular sequence and chemical combinations, and we are consciously reminded of a memory hiding in the unconscious, and our mood is affected.
How the Past affects the Present
How we respond to daily stimuli is affected by past interactions. We navigate our environment using a combination of semantic (language or logic) knowledge. The more often we use the same information, the more solid that data is hardwired into the brain. As we repeat the same thoughts daily, the same neural networks will become more potent, automatic, unconscious, familiar and habitual. We start to automatically think of ourselves in a certain habitual way. The neural networks result in an unconscious response caused by the environment and the memories it awakens. We start to operate unconsciously on an autopilot created by the chronic neural networks we have developed. Once a thought activates a particular neural circuit, it causes an automatic sequence of thought forms, and we are no longer living in the present but instead are feeling and thinking from past events. And the more we live from past habitual thinking, the more those associative neural networks will be strengthened. The power of these neural networks is why it is so hard to change behaviours or negative thoughts. We have spent a lifetime developing and maintaining these neural networks, and they are hardwired into our thought processes. When we decide to attempt change, we are strongly resisted by billions of neurons and their associated neural pathways.
How can the mother stop thinking she is the worst mother in the world?
She must change her thinking by retraining her brain to create positive networks and associations, which takes time and a lot of effort. She must also be willing to develop a different personality which may require her to change her behaviour, values, beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions of her environment. Some of the genetic predispositions from her parents and upbringing may need to be challenged as she chooses to form a new identity and image of herself. She may focus instead on the positive memories, even using photographs that show happier times with her son. She may repeat and use a daily strategy to focus on these positive memories, so they take precedence over the negative ones. She may decide to contact her son and ask if she may see him as she wants to apologise or discuss the past. There are many possibilities. But, it is up to her to make that change while accepting that the habits and the associated brain networks created over a lifetime will take some time to transform.
To Sum Up
Associations and repeat behaviours form neural networks that create habits of thought and behaviour. But we could retrain the brain if we introduced new and more positive neural networks and their associated memories into the brain. Our synapse may be formed by genetics and what we have learned over a lifetime, but that is not the end of development. Neuroscience has shown the brain can change; the brain and the mind are not static; they are forever changing. An individual can decide on which type of circuits they want to be in action. Suppose we repeat positive behaviours and are vigilant and control negative thoughts and even transfigure them into positive thoughts and associations. The new neural networks thus created will be associated with positivity and empowerment. The more we develop these types of networks, the more these positive patterns will become our habitual way of thinking and living.
Liz McCaughey
MC, MSc
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
As a long-time leader of teams, I often get asked for my thoughts on how to “do” leadership. Just recently, I was talking with a bright, early-career entrepreneur who said, “My business is growing like crazy and I’m starting to hire people. I don’t know how to manage and lead others. What training course would you recommend? Or are there some books I can read?”
These questions are more common than I’d like them to be. While they are well-intended, and it’s great that people who seek leadership responsibility actually want to do it well, the assumption (or perhaps hope) beneath the question is that if you read the right books, and/or take the right training course, you will be able to lead.
The question I asked this poor soul in return was, “regardless of the training course or the books – how will you know when you can manage and lead other people? Does reading the books and attending the training mean you’re done? Tick, you’re a good leader? Cross it off the list of things to do?”
The truth (like it or not) is that managing and leading others is not a destination. It’s a practice. Kind of like yoga. In fact, yoga can teach us a lot about leadership. No matter how good you get at yoga, there’s always something more to learn. There’s more to practice. You never FINISH working at yoga. And if you’ve practiced yoga, you’ll know that some days are great – you nail the pose, you go deeper, you balance longer. Some days are terrible. You fall over, or you can’t hold even the most basic version of the pose you held for 10 minutes yesterday. It requires focus, getting back into the pose even when you’ve fallen out of it six times already, and tuning in to your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps most importantly, it requires a willingness to push beyond your comfort zone – taking your pose just a bit further, without a guarantee that you’ll nail it the first time (knowing, in fact, that you’ll probably fall over).
The same is true for leadership. This is because leadership exists within a human system. One set of leadership behaviours which works perfectly well with one group of people may completely backfire with another. Or a style of leadership that works when times are good, fails when times are difficult. Some days are great – the team is humming, people are happy. Others stink – business is underperforming, there’s tension between people, tough decisions to be made, and politics to manage. Pesky human beings – they are so unpredictable.
So what is this achievement-oriented entrepreneur to do, as the company grows and leadership becomes a necessity and requirement? While I do not endorse the concept of a “checklist for good leadership”, in the spirit of helping these shooting stars along the journey, I offer the below as a non-linear process.
First: understand the baseline. Look for clues. Do you lose people from recruitment processes after they interview with you? What’s your voluntary employee turnover rate? If you use an employee engagement survey, what does the data tell you about how people feel about their manager and/or senior leaders? You should also look inward. Who’s been your favorite or most respected leader over the course of your career and why? Who do you emulate as a leader?
On the note of PRACTICE…this is a critical third (and ongoing) step. Just as you don’t become a star tennis player on day 1, and you can’t learn to play the piano with one lesson, leadership is a practice. Remember that feeling of trying something new when you were a kid? It’s frustrating and uncomfortable. Get used to this feeling – in fact, seek it out in your workplace. It means you’re learning – and learning is supposed to feel uncomfortable. Try new behaviours. Refine. Try again. Try again.
Fourth – ask your people how you’re doing. And “your people” should include those below you, above you, and beside you. If you’re heading a start-up, maybe there’s no one technically above you. Whose opinion do you respect and admire? Do you have a board of directors? An investor or business partner? Importantly, consider this guide for soliciting feedback (and ignore it at your peril).
Fifth (and arguably the most important element to include in your practice): Reflect on the feedback and use it as a source of data to improve your practice. Extending the “learning to play the piano” analogy, consider how listening to a recording of your practice can shine a light on areas where you need more practice. You listen, you think about what you want to work on, and then you work on it. The same is true in leadership. What can you learn from the feedback you received? What should you try differently?
What can you learn? What can you try?
Sixth (or maybe first!) – ask for help. What professional athlete does not have a coach? What opera singer doesn’t study under another professional?It can be very lonely at the top. Cultivate your network, join leadership forums or communities, and consider a psychotherapist, counsellor or performance coach to help you reflect, learn, and grow. As someone who has been practicing leadership for decades and advising others who are doing the same, I firmly subscribe to the view that every leader needs a therapist and coach.
Finally – Repeat steps 1-6. Often, and for as long as you hold a leadership role. In doing so, you will exceed your own expectations and you will make a difference to your team, your company and potentially by extension, the world around you.
After all – isn’t this why you became an entrepreneur in the first place?
Kelly Hutchison
Kelly Hutchison is a psychotherapist, counsellor and executive coach with aMindset, based in Hong Kong.
To book an individual consultation or discuss mental health & wellness initiatives for your organization, contact Kelly on +852 9179 4454 or kellyamindset@gmail.com
Did you know that healthy children can laugh 400 times in a day but adults only average 15 times? It seems that we all need more laughter in our lives. But, does it really matter? Is laughter the best medicine?
The Benefit of Laughter
Well, research indicates that laughter is beneficial for our stress levels and our overall wellbeing. There are immediate short-term benefits and there are great long-term effects:
Short Term:
Reduce stress: Laughter changes the perspective of stressful events and we can view them more as challenges and therefore less threatening. The relaxation of your muscles makes you less tense which reduces the symptoms of stress.
Stimulation: Laughter increases your breathing and the oxygen boost stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles. And, the brain releases more endorphins.
Exercise: Laughing is an exercise for the diaphragm, abs and shoulders and also leaves them more relaxed.
Contagious: Laughter is contagious. It effects the others around you and brings increased benefits to a group. You will laugh more at a comedy with a group than on your own.
Long Term:
Immune system: The positive thoughts that accompany laughter releases neuropeptides that help fight stress and general illnesses. While you have banished the negative thoughts that would otherwise flood your body with harmful and stress producing chemicals.
Pain: Laughter is believed to produce natural painkillers to ease pain.
Depression: Laughter provides a long term and beneficial effect by reducing the symptoms of depression.
Fake it: Research indicates that the positive effects of laughter are not dependant on whether it is real or faked. Like many things, faking it works and, as a bonus, usually leads to it becoming real over the long term.
Social: As in ‘contagious’ above, the group benefits of laughter can lead to an improvement in the quality of your social life.
You don’t find that much is funny in life? Just give it a try and try to find the funny side. Laugh at your bloopers instead of cursing. Enjoy a good comedy – live is often best. Observe yourself after a good laugh. Feeling good and relaxed? That’s laughter at work.
In the 2015 movie “Room”, based on the novel by Emma Donoghue, a mother and her son Jack are held captive in a single-room outbuilding for nearly seven years. During this time, “Ma” works to keep her son healthy and happy by structuring their days with physical and mental exercises, keeping a healthy diet, limiting TV-watching time, and a strict regime of body and oral hygiene. Because it is all he has ever known, Jack believes that only the things in his immediate world are “real.” Ma, unwilling to disappoint Jack with a life she cannot give him, allows him to believe that the rest of the world exists only on television. When they eventually escape, Ma must begin the process of relearning how to interact with the larger world, and Jack, who is overwhelmed by new experiences and people (and the realisation that the world actually exists beyond TV), wants only to return to the safety of the world he knows – the world of his Room.
I recently ventured out of Hong Kong for the first time in two years. My husband and I planned the trip in order to bring our son home – he’d been delayed in Australia because of Hong Kong’s ban on flights from “high risk” countries. We intended to meet him in Thailand, do a 14-day “wash out”, and then fly back to Hong Kong together. The trip was functional in nature, with the goal of getting him back to Hong Kong and regular school. It took weeks of organising, securing various approvals, passes, and certificates, and an off-the-charts level of patience.
About a week before we were set to travel, the HK government rescinded the flight ban, which meant we could potentially fly our son straight back to the city. This prompted a debate: Should we still go? Was it necessary? Should we spend the money? Would we rather wait and take an actual holiday later? What if we got Covid while overseas? Would we be able to get proper medical attention? Would we be able to get back into Hong Kong? And on, and on.
Eventually, having reminded ourselves that we both loved Thailand and we hadn’t been outside of Hong Kong for what felt like ages, we decided to go. Being effectively ‘grounded’ (or as some of our friends described it, “imprisoned”) for the last two years had taught us two things: first, that life is short, and it is richer with travel; second, that we’d taken for granted our ability to see friends and family whenever we wanted. Like most Hong Kong people, we were used to hopping on a plane at a moment’s notice, and living away from our families had not precluded us from seeing them. We saw an opportunity to reconnect through this trip. We decided to turn it into a long-awaited holiday, and invited the rest of our family and some friends to join us. With the decision made, we felt a surge of joy and anticipation. We had something to look forward to.
While we fully expected that travel in a post-Covid world would be a logistical hassle, what we didn’t anticipate was how it would feel to be out in the world again. We experienced walking mask-free down public streets and entering restaurants without checking in. We went to bars that were packed wall-to-wall with people (again, no masks). We saw people shaking hands and hugging again. We made plans and reservations for meals and activities, without having to check whether venues were open. We were able to go out without carrying our phones.
How did it feel? Honestly, it was a strange sensation, which led us to reflect on how we’d coped with the last two years. We felt happy, sad, frustrated, regretful, guilty, optimistic, and resigned all at the same time. The joy and appreciation of rejoining the outside world sat very uncomfortably against a sense of grief at having missed two years with people we love. Had we done the right thing in avoiding travelling to see our family and friends, simply because of government restrictions? Should we have pushed ourselves harder to just cope with multiple periods (and the expense) of hotel quarantine, for the reward of spending precious time with loved ones? What if something had happened to them (as it did for so many families) and we weren’t there? This was an experience of simultaneous celebration and self-flagellation. Being with our family and friends again filled our hearts, and also reminded us of how much we’d missed. In addition, it highlighted how much we’d gotten used to life with Covid – mask-wearing, contact tracing, vaccination discussions, rapid antigen testing, and avoiding coughing in public all felt normal to us. The absence of these things felt uncomfortable and foreign.
There is something in this for me that connects back to Ma’s experience of escaping the Room. She’s been isolated for so long, and the narrow world she’s inhabited for the last seven years has suddenly widened beyond comprehension. She does not remember how to exist in that world. What was an effective coping mechanism – creating structure, routine, and stories for herself and Jack to deal with a lack of freedom – is no longer needed. The prison no longer exists. But she also feels guilt at not preparing Jack for the real world. Anger for being imprisoned for so long and missing out on life. Uncertainty about how to relate to people other than her son. Regret at not having been able to escape sooner. Grief at the loss of time and the experiences she and Jack have missed. Fear and discomfort at re-entering a world that has been lost to her for seven years.
The tight restrictions in Hong Kong were nothing compared to what Ma and Jack had to endure. I am not suggesting for a second that travel restrictions are anywhere close to being imprisoned and traumatised on a daily basis for seven years. What does strike me is the wide range and similarity of feelings that bubble up once a fuller amount of freedom is available to us, whether that freedom comes in the form of post-Covid travel or a release from captivity.
Our ability to adapt to our surroundings has ensured our survival over time. Covid led governments around the world to implement restrictions on daily living which none of us could have imagined. And we’ve coped with those restrictions by getting used to not travelling, by learning to be more still, and by adapting our daily routines to fill the void. Ma coped with her lack of freedom much in the same way – by creating routines to foster a sense of normalcy for her and her son. We humans have the capacity for profound resilience in the face of adversity.
As our world begins to open up, a new range of choices becomes available to us. What will we do with that freedom? We can stay home, avoid the complexity of travel and the risk of getting sick, and remain comfortable in the routines we’ve built for ourselves. The trade-off is, perhaps, a greater richness in life. Alternatively, we can start travelling and stepping back out into the world, accepting that we don’t know what will happen when we do, and we don’t know how it’ll affect us.
Regardless of whether you stay put, or step back into travel, you can expect to “feel all of the feels”. The challenge is to stay in the present and allow the full range of emotions to wash through us. Nothing can be done to change the past or to control the future.
What choice will you make?
Kelly Hutchison
Kelly Hutchison is a psychotherapist, counsellor and executive coach with aMindset, based in Hong Kong.
To book an individual consultation or discuss mental health & wellness initiatives for your organization, contact Kelly on +852 9179 4454 or kellyamindset@gmail.com
In this short 10 minute video The Power of Belief Eduardo Briceno explains how failure is the way to the greatest success. He explains that the way we understand our intelligence and abilities deeply impacts our success. Based on social science research and real life examples, Eduardo Briceño articulates how mindset, or the understanding of intelligence and abilities, is key. When students or adults see their abilities as fixed, whether they think they’re naturals or just not built for a certain domain, they avoid challenge and lose interest when things get hard. Conversely, when they understand that abilities are developed, they more readily adopt learning-oriented behaviors such as deliberate practice and grit that enable them to achieve their goals. But this belief is itself malleable, and there are clear actions we can all take to establish a growth mindset and enable success for our children, our peers and ourselves.
TEDx
About TEDx
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized. (Subject to certain rules and regulations.)
Curated by Liz McCaughey
Curation
At aMIndset we value good content for our readers. In that spirit, we will often curate or excerpt content from top quality sources on the web.The very internet itself was created on the foundation of linking, sharing, and recommending good content from other sources on the web.
Curation means finding good, well-written, and highly relevant material for our readers. By choosing content from your site, we are giving it our vote of approval. This not only means that we excerpt your content, but we also give it our highest recommendation, and we encourage our readers to view your content on your own website. Our curation is designed to send our readers to your site so you get new visitors exposed to your top quality content. We curated your content because it was outstanding in some way.
Full details of aMindset’s Curation Policy can be found HERE
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Story of Your Life
The topic of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can seem cold and complex on the surface. In a broad, clinical sense it refers to a category of psychological treatment methods that aim to change our patterns of thinking. We can also think of CBT in a more personal context. For example, we may consider it to be the process of rewriting our life stories.
Our Personal Stories
Each person has a unique life story that is comprised of a series of events, emotions, lessons, and anticipations. It defines who we are, how we experience the world, and how we expect life to unfold in the future. Mental health problems can be deeply rooted in our life stories, and CBT can help us address these issues by rewriting parts of our tales. CBT isn’t a time-traveling tool. We’re not able to change the events themselves. The focus is instead on changing the ways in which we relate and respond to these events.
Becoming an Engaged Author
We can’t change the past, but we can certainly change how we think about it. CBT is more about altering how we write our life story, rather than what is written. The process of writing our life story is largely passive, although people undoubtedly put their own spin on memories (sometimes consciously, sometimes not). We tend to not pay attention to the manner in which we record, replay, relate, and respond to our life stories. We’re usually focused on the content alone. CBT helps us become more aware of the ways in which our “writing style” impacts the story, allowing for more engagement in the writing process.
How CBT Changes the Story
Our behaviors are directly linked to our cognitions (mental constructs, like thoughts, emotions, and memories). These cognitions contribute to the formation of our life stories. Mental health can suffer because of irregularities in the formation and functioning of these cognitive process. We may, for example, develop an irrational fear of birds because of a single bad experience as a child. If this fear is left unexamined, our life story would likely be framed in a negative light whenever birds are involved. CBT could help us identify the source of our fear (the first bird incident), and eventually to eliminate it with verified treatment methods. We would then be free to reevaluate our past experiences involving birds with a new perspective, allowing us to rewrite our life stories, one event at a time.
Resilience is rooted in adaptive behaviour and science. The advances in neuroscience in the last decade have allowed a better understanding of why some people develop the adaptive capacities to overcome significant adversity and others do not.
Which one are you – coping or non-coping?
There are many forms of adversity in childhood, but all adversity can be overcome if a child has a supportive parent, caregiver, or another adult. This combination of family or friends’ support helps develop positive experiences, which constitute the foundations of resilience. They enable a child to develop personal character strengths, which allows them to respond to adversity and thrive eventually. Learning to cope with manageable threats to our physical, emotional, and social well-being is critical for developing resilience.
Resilience is the capacity to continue and develop positive behaviours following adversity at a behavioural level.
Adversity = Difficult or unpleasant situation
There is no clear roadmap letting us know what we will experience in life, but adversity is guaranteed. For example, who has not experienced the death of a loved one, a life-altering accident, work stress, a severe illness, or just getting older. Each change affects people differently. We all hate uncertainty, especially those pesky, fearful thoughts-forms that uncertainty and adversity create in our minds. They are sometimes described as the ‘chattering monkey’. But having resilience helps us overcome the negativity associated with fearful thoughts and perceived negative experiences – so as you get older, start to embrace life’s adversities. We need to be aware that the road to resilience will likely involve considerable emotional distress, but that makes us stronger and better. So, stop being the victim, or OK, we are all allowed to be the victim for a short time, but then we must sort ourselves out and move on. Resilience is the key, and adversity is part of the process.
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
Resilience is a term used in a variety of ways and contexts. Some questions to ask yourself:
Are you resilient?
Do you want to be resilient?
Why is resilience necessary?
What the hell does it mean to be resilient?
Resilience can be an individual characteristic, a learning process, or an outcome resulting from adversity. In the ‘Resilience’ AMindset articles, we will focus on resilience within the confines of a person’s ability to adapt successfully to acute stress, trauma, or more chronic forms of adversity. We are a mental health company that improve lives, so let’s look at how our articles can enhance your life. ☺
Resilience is positive whether it is considered an outcome, a process, or a capacity. Having resilience allows us to use adaptive responses in the face of significant adversity. And the joy is there is no end by date to the capacity of resilience within us. It is neither an immutable trait nor a resource that can be used up.
So first, let’s look at the biology; resilience results in healthy development because it protects the developing brain and other organs from the disruptions produced by excessive activation of the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis stress response systems. To avoid the complexity of neuroscience, stated simply, resilience transforms potentially toxic stress into tolerable stress.
Toxic Stress = Prolonged adversity
Tolerable Stress = Normative life experiences
So, resilience is rooted in both the adaptation and the experiences that a person has experienced. And these experiences are logged from infancy. These life experiences either promote or limit our capacity to develop resilience.
So don’t run away from negativity; it helps build resilience. Challenge the negative experience and become stronger and more resilient as a result.
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
Authenticity in relationships is vital for a healthy relationship with your friends, partner, and yourself. Building a more present and emotionally attuned relationship will help you form long-lasting and more rewarding relationships. Every relationship has its ups and downs, so it is good to have an open conversation, even checking in with your friend or partner, to ensure no underlying negativing building in the friendship. It is also worth remembering that we tend to hurt those closest to us, so be aware of your words and try not to attack the other person if you are unhappy or upset. If you can put out the fire before it engulfs you both, then you will be able to speak calmly and less harmfully.
Sometimes what we believe is the situation is not the case, and the other person has an entirely different understanding of what may have happened. Learning to communicate is not easy, but it is essential if you want your relationship to last. So take time out to sit and talk with your friend or partner and also take the time to listen to what is being said and not to what you think is being said. Therein lies the art of honest and truthful communication.
If you would like to speak with a counsellor about how we can support you, please contact us.
Kelly Hutchison: Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant
Core Competencies: High Performance Coaching, Leadership, Reflective Practice, Organization Development
Kelly is an executive coach and leadership consultant with 25+ years of experience helping people to adapt and lead with greater impact in complex international settings. She focuses on personal leadership as both a practice and performance, a perspective gained through her early years performing internationally as a musician. Over her long career in Human Resources and Organization Development, she has worked with talented people at all levels to achieve success on the corporate ‘stage’. She is experienced in multiple industries, including financial services, retail, consumer goods, media/publishing, and technology, and has led divisional, regional, and global teams.
Kelly leverages her executive coaching skills and counselling qualifications to help her clients address a range of challenges, including transitioning into leadership roles, handling difficult workplace relationships, and managing anxiety and stress to develop resilience and increase overall impact. She also helps new and emerging leaders develop their own authentic leadership style and ‘voice’ to accelerate their personal and professional practice.
Kelly helps her clients understand and manage themselves more effectively, enabling them to influence positive change around them. Warm, engaging, and unconventional, Kelly works collaboratively with her clients to set big goals, tackle major challenges, seize opportunities, and reflect on their personal impact. She uses a strengths-based approach to help her clients discover what makes them uniquely brilliant, and then identify habits and patterns which might be keeping them from achieving their goals. She is experienced with a range of feedback instruments and psychometric tools, including the Hogan Leadership Forecast Series and DiSC.
Qualifications:
Master of Counselling, Monash University (Australia)
Master of Applied Science (Innovation & Org Dynamics/Leadership), RMIT University (Australia)
Bachelor of Arts (Liberal Arts/Music), Florida State University (USA);
Level Two Coach, Institute of Executive Coaching & Leadership (Australia).
Become a greater leader by living the best version of yourself.
Are you entering a new phase in your career where you are looking to take your leadership and performance to new, all-around levels of achievement?
Are there aspects of your ways of thinking and performing that you feel are holding you back from making this happen?
After 20 years in executive and leadership roles in global law and accountancy firms, I retrained as a psychotherapist. This enables me to work with my clients to help them understand themselves first, identify what they need to change, and successfully implement this in all parts of their lives.
My approach to coaching goes deeper than cognitive reframing. I support my clients through rigorous self-appraisal and follow this with sustainable, long-term strategies. This also involves skills training and support around empathetic leadership, focused on your ability to have a motivating impact on those around you.
If you are interested in bringing about a fundamental change in your leadership and performance, get in touch with me, Chris Dudgeon, to schedule an introductory session.
Qualifications
MBA, Henley Business School
CPA (Australia) and Chartered Management Accountant (UK)
Master of Counselling, Monash University and Master of Narrative Therapy, University of Melbourne (ongoing)
Registered Psychotherapist in Hong Kong (HKPCA, PSHK), Australia (ACA, PACFA) and UK (NCS)
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The mask mandate may have been removed, but does this mean we should no longer consider the needs of others? A diverse city of 7.6 million people like ours does not thrive without the goodwill and tolerance of its people. It’s worth remembering that Hong Kong people commonly wore masks when sick – well before any mandate and well before the rest of the world – out of consideration for others. Perhaps there’s no need to burn all our masks, and we might instead choose to keep a few around for the greater good. As mentioned earlier, it is a choice, and being able to make choices is positive for our mental health.
In the 2015 movie “Room”, based on the novel by Emma Donoghue, a mother and her son Jack are held captive in a single-room outbuilding for nearly seven years. During this time, “Ma” works to keep her son healthy and happy by structuring their days with physical and mental exercises, keeping a healthy diet, limiting TV-watching time, and a strict regime of body and oral hygiene. Because it is all he has ever known, Jack believes that only the things in his immediate world are “real.” Ma, unwilling to disappoint Jack with a life she cannot give him, allows him to believe that the rest of the world exists only on television. When they eventually escape, Ma must begin the process of relearning how to interact with the larger world, and Jack, who is overwhelmed by new experiences and people (and the realisation that the world actually exists beyond TV), wants only to return to the safety of the world he knows – the world of his Room.
: Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant
